Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Five Things You Need to Know, but Probably Don't (Need to Know)




So, I was sitting here about to blab my mouth off via my mad typing skills when I thought,
"Self, these people do not even know you.  Give the people what they want!  The comments are overwhelming.  They are begging you to give the a glimpse into your life." 
Which is probably true if the truth is me making up stories.
 
Anyway, I can't guarantee you'll get the minutes you spend reading my fun facts back in your life.  However, I can guarantee that you will walk away from this post feeling a little more sane.
 
 
1. Diet Coke and I are in a love affair.  It all started when I was a young girl. I blame my parents for this.  They were Diet Coke addicts before they became cave people on the paleo train.  I think my blood is literally 40% Diet Coke.  I'm not even mad at it.

2. I am terrified of opossums. Like, even typing the word, "opossums," made me squirm.  I am convinced that there are things in this world that came about after the fall of man.  I am equally convinced that opossums are one of them.  They are giant, hissing rat marsupials that carry around their giant rat babies on their back, creeping in  the night, just waiting to attack you when you take the trash out at 6:30 pm in December.  Get outta here! 

3. I cannot hear lyrics correctly to save my life.  The first time I heard Taylor Swift's song, "Shake it Off," I thought she was singing, "The baker's gonna bake, bake, bake..." INSTEAD OF, "The faker's gonna fake, fake, fake..."  Insert wide-eyed emoji face here.

4.  Gray hairs are taking over my head.  ME!  You guys, I am nothing but a young, dewy flower.  These grays are just cruel and anxiously early.  Rude.  I am currently on a witch hunt for all of the grays so that I can pluck them out.  If one more person tells me not to pluck them because two more will grow in their place, I will make them pay for my first hair coloring session.  Also, do not tell me that it's a sign of wisdom, or that I'm just graying gracefully. Stop it.  We all know you're not telling the truth.
 
5. I love to read, but, on occasion, I get too into the books I'm reading.  Example: Whilst I was reading the Twilight series I got into it.  Like, seriously, into it.  Once, I randomly exploded at Dearest saying, "You don't love me like Edward loves Bella!" Lawd.  The worst one, though, was when I was at work.  I was just writing up a couple of reports, and thought, "Hm.  I wonder what Edward and Bella are up to right now."  You Guys!!! I thought Edward and Bella were REAL PEOPLE for 2.5 seconds!  I have problems.
  
 
Now you know...that I really am a mess.
I hope you find some solace in that.
Happy Holidays.
Keep Being You, Wildebeest.
Deuces. 
 

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