Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Letters to My Babies: A New Year's Resolution Part One

My dad is a big believer in New Year's Resolutions. 
 He thinks they do things to make you a better person or something like that. I don't know. 
 Anyway, at the turn of every year he would sit my sister and me down and ask what we had in store for our resolutions. Lindsay and I would look at each other sideways, roll our eyes, and give some crap answer.
Basically, every adult we knew was clamoring to be our god parents. 
They couldn't wait to be next in line for our shenanigans.

I'm still not that great at establishing or maintaining New Year's Resolutions.
I want to change that, even if in a small way, this year and the years to come. 
I want to write a letter to each of my children at the turn of the year.
So, today I write to Eldest.

Dearest Eldest,
       Hey Little Love.  Man alive, I sure do love you! 
The past three and a half years have been so amazingly wonderful and different since you came into this world.  You are one of the sweetest souls I have ever had the privilege of knowing and loving in this life. 
When I look at you I see a beautiful, sensitive, intelligent, and tender-hearted boy. 
I hope that in your life you do all you can to protect that heart of yours. 
I know it is my job to help teach you how to do that. 
I promise I will do everything I can to get out of my own way when I parent you so that you can know how to help yourself all the more. 

Your sweet life has been full of uncertainty and change.  You've survived three moves, mommy and daddy having job changes, as well as welcoming a new sister into our family.  
I know that this has not always been easy for you.  I know that we haven't always treated your fairly in this.  I am sorry. 
Your dad and I are working even harder than ever before to make sure that every member of our family is given their time in the sun.
We all deserve that time, and we want you and your sister to know that.
Baby, I want to tell you that I am so incredibly proud of you! 
This year has been a BIG year for you!! 
You have grown and matured in ways that are simply amazing to your father and me. 
You transitioned well with yet another move. You started accepting your sister into the fold.
You started taking more initiative for yourself. 
You are not the same child you were a year ago.  For that I am incredibly proud. 
You made the decision to grow.  You made the decision to become bigger and braver. 
You made the decision to work as hard as you can to become the best Eldest you can be. 
I am not sure that this language means anything to you right now- maybe it is too mature for you at this point, but I do not have any other way to say it. 
You are simply living beyond your years.
You are an incredible person, and I am so proud to be your mom!  Your life looks different than other three year olds you know, but you don't care.  You just keep being you. 
I admire you, son.  I learn something new about you and from you every single day. 
I see you, love.
This year I resolve to learn to love myself even more so that I can love you, your sister, your father, and everyone more. 
This year I resolve to work to absolve my expectations of you- for you have to find your way without me trying to impart my agenda onto you. 
This year I resolve to listen more, and react less. 
This year I resolve to celebrate your successes more, and fret over your downfalls less. 
This year I resolve to be bigger and braver for your benefit.
I love you, Eldest.  You are wonderful, and I am so glad you are you!

Photo by Amanda Cassidy

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