Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Spring Forward, You Are the Devil

Oh hey there, Daylight Savings Time aka Spring Forward aka saucy minx from the underbelly of the world known as Hades.  You and your kissing cousin Fall Back sure are a delight, and I am thrilled to know you.
By thrilled I mean I absolutely loathe your existence.

You guys.  Who implemented this nonsense?  Who decided this would be a good idea?  What President of the United States thought that this would be a good idea?  Was it that James A. Garfield?  I feel like it was because there was a cartoon about a cat named Garfield who incessantly ate pizza, and avoided all responsibility and rational thinking in life.  Is that ridiculous of me to assume?
But I'm pretty sure they wouldn't make a cartoon with the same name of a president if there wasn't some kind of resemblance there.  I bet when Garfield's people, the president, not the cat, came to him and were like,
"What about screwing with everyone's time table and making sure their kids absolutely lose their ever loving freaking minds?"
He probably slobbered down a piece of ooey gooey pepperoni pizza and was like,
"Why do I live in America when I love Italian food so much?!  And, sure!  I have nothing better to do than to mess with the people's sanity.  Better yet, let's mess the time up twice a year!  The children of America will make sure to ruin lives for years to come on these days!"
And then he was, unfortunately, assassinated.
May he rest in peace.

Is that disrespectful?  I feel like it might be, but I am too tired to care.
Do I even need to get into how much I hate the time change madness?
Last night I was startled awake at 3:45 am.  I heard someone in our kitchen.  I was about 70% sure it wasn't the worst criminal from Criminal Minds, but you just never know.  Luckily, it was only Eldest.  That sweet babe just needed a glass of milk.  Bless it all.
Thanks time change.
You are rude.

I just don't have the answers, guys.  I just don't.
What I do know is that I say all the prayers, drink more Diet Coke, Starbucks, and eat all the things.  This may not be the healthiest way to deal, but, man, I'm dealing. 
Cheers to that- amiright?! 
Let's buckle in, friends, because we only have one billion more times to do this until our kids grow up and get a job.
So, if you see me wearing the same outfit four times this week, my hair in a messy bun, and my face makeup-less just know that's how I normally roll, but this week it's all being blamed on Daylight Savings.  If I see you doing the same, I will smile and nod because we know.  We know that the only way to get through this monstrosity of the zombie state is to give each other the silent glance of approval as we pass each other in the store.
The only way to get through this week is to give everyone a pass for maybe not looking superfly, and for maybe not feeling in the one hundred percent range.
So, I'm virtually sending you Diet Coke and one million hours of rest.
I hope you get them.
If you don't, I'll be right here trying to make my way with you.
Solidarity, sister.

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